A guy named Bob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone under and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Bob again prays..."God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Bob still has no luck. Once again, he prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good person. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Bob is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Bob, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."

Fred, George and Erma all lived next door to each other and were always sharing advice. Since George and Erma knew Fred was a master gardener one summer they both decided to plant vegetable gardens so they would have something else to talk about. George and Erma both worked hard in their back yards for days getting the soil ready and planting vegetables, Fred was very impressed by their efforts. Summer rolled on thru and the veggies were growing great, but no matter how long they waited, neither George or Erma's tomatos ripened. The three of them were standing around talking one day about the tomato problems. Fred said to them "I'll tell you what you do. Late tonight, go out in your gardens wearing nothing but your bathrobe. Stand in front of your tomatos, open your robe and flash them and the next day they will ripen." Well the whole idea sounded silly to George and Erma both, but they decided, Hey, Fred's a master gardener so why not try it. The night passed and they both went and did as Fred told them. The next afternoon they were all three talking again when Fred asked "Well did your tomatos ripen George?" "They sure did Fred, thanks" said George. Fred turned to Erma and asked "What about your Erma, did you flash your tomatos?" "I sure did Fred" replied Erma. Fred then asked "Did they ripen like I said?" Erma replied, "No my tomatos didn't ripen. But my cucumbers grew six inches!"

A man was having problems in the bedroom so he went to his doctor. His doctor gave him a prescription for Viagra with very specific instructions to only take one a day as needed. The man went home, took one that night and he and his wife had the best sex in months. The next night rolled around, he took another pill and again had wonderful sex. He got to thinking the next day and decided that if one was good, two would be even better. So that night he took two pills and drove his wife almost to exhaustion with sex. The next day he decided to try three pills. He had a wonderful time that night but the sex made his wife pass out for an hour or so. A couple of days passed and late one night a 911 operator got a call from a little boy that sounded very scared. When the operator asked what was wrong the boy said "somethings wrong with my daddy!" "What's wrong with him?" the operator asked. "Well a doctor gave him some pills to help him and mommy in the bedroom and I think he took too many!" the little boy told her. The operator asked "What makes you think that?" The boy replied "Well my mom's dead, my sister's pregnant, my butt hurts and dad's out in the yard calling "Here kitty kitty!"

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decided they need a bull to mate with their cows in order to increase the herd so the brunette takes their entire savings of $600 and goes to Texas to buy a bull. She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her one. "It's the only one I got, but I'll sell it for $599. Take it or leaveit," he tells her. So she buys it and goes straight to the local telegram office. She tells the clerk, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: 'Have found the bull for our ranch, bring the trailer.' How much will that cost?" The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in theU.S. are $.75 per word." She looks at her last dollar, thinks about it for a minute, and replies, "In that case, I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" asks the clerk. " 'Comfortable.' " the brunette tells him. Out of curiosity, the man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?" The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REALLY slow. When she gets this, she'll read, 'COM-FOR-DA-BULL.' "

There was a nun whose worn out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into "worldly pleasures", she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. After a few more years, even that spiked milk couldn't help and the aged sister approached her final hour. As several nuns gathered around her at her bedside, the Mother Superior asked if she wanted to leave them with any words of wisdom. "Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"

A stock broker, on his way home from work in NY City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer what's the hold up?" The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is so depressed about all the New Yorkers making her the butt of so many jokes, she stopped her motorcade in the middle of the freeway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever, and the Democrats told her to forget about the presidency in 2008. So we're taking up a collection for her." The broker asks, "Oh really? How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 4 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

George W. Bush and Bill Clinton somehow ended up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Clinton in his chair reached for the after shave. Clinton was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Hillary will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse." The second barber turned to Bush and said, "How about you?" Bush replied, "Go ahead, my wife has no idea what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

The judge says to a double-murder defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer." A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "Why, you bastard!" The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer." The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "Why, you bastard!" The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?" The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, your Honor, but for 15 years I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one!"

A woman was having a passionate affair with an exterminator from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She closed him up in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after he searched the bedroom he found the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he demanded. "I'm an exterminator from Pests-B-Gone," said the man. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked him. "I'm investigating a complaint about some moths," the man replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and then said, "Those sneaky bastards!"

OK, this one's a little dated, but a friend just told it to me a couple of days ago.

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who he was going to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hello Mr. Hussein!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cork, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Ian, and the entire darts team from the pub -- that makes eight!" Letting out a sigh, Saddam said "I must tell you Paddy that I have a million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorrah!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Ian's tractor from the farm." Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy, I have fifteen thousand tanks, thirteen thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased by a million men since we last spoke." "Really?" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm disapointed to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy "We've had a look at the Geneva Convention, all had a chat, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

A man was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no body. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." Then he looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed but nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But all of you looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty." The obviously confused jury retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door." The jury foreman replied "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."

One day the 1st grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his house.She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said,"Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know. He said, Holy crap! A talking pig!"

A young mother was almost crazy with stress because of her three young kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts! Such brats! They give me no rest and I'm half way to the funny farm!" "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," the friend told her. So she bought a playpen. A few days after that, her friend called to ask how she was. "Terrific! I can't believe it," the young mother said. "I get in that pen with a good book, some candy bars, and the kids don't bug me for hours!"

During World War II a captain was attempting to rally his troops on the eve of a big offensive. "Out there," said the captain, "is your enemy. The man who has made your lives miserable, who is working to destroy you; the man who has been trying to all of you day after day throughout the war." Private Johnson jumped to his feet, yelling out "My God; the cook's working for the Germans!"

During the ancient history of Japan, there was a powerful emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent notice throughout the land that he was searching for one. A year passed, and only 3 people showed up: A Japanese samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asked each to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a match box and out flew a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword, and the bumblebee dropped to the ground in two pieces. "Impressive," the emperor exclaimed. Next the Chinese samurai stepped up, opened a match box and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh! Whoosh! went his sword, and the fly dropped to the ground in four pieces. "That's most impressive," the emperor exclaimed. Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai. He also opened a match box, and out flew a very small gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! ... Whoosh! but the gnat was still alive and flying around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all that, why isn't the gnat dead?" The Jewish samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Christmas. "Since Christmas is for Christians and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a Christmas card?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, and then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Christmas card to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock? "Well", she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a card, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent cards to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of him."

A cowgirl from Arkansas, walks into a local bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, the bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home and went our own way, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my sisters though."

A cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the golden gate and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking." The cat thought a minute and then said, "All mylife I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven at the same time. God met the mice at the gates of heaven with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said, "Well we have had to run all of our lives, from cats, dogs and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates we would never have to run again. God answered, "It is done." And instantly all the mice had beautiful little roller skates. About a week later God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything OK? How have you been doing? Are you happy? "The cat replied, "Oh it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. My pillow is so fluffy and those little meals on wheels you have been sending over are just delicious."

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When confronted later, he said: "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist.." At that point, the proctologist fainted!

How are Saddam Husein and Little Miss Muffett alike?
They both had Kurds in their way.

In a trial, a southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Smith, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr.Johnson. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you. " The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.Smith, do you know the defence attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Wilson since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.. Yes, I know him." The defence attorney almost died! At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counsellors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt."

As a senior citizen was driving down the highway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Henry, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 75. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Henry, "It's not just one car. there are hundreds of them!"

An little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the bottom of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it's about time you became informed!
{A} - Almost Boobs
{B} - Barely there
{C} - Can't Complain!
{D} - Damn!
{DD} - Double damn!
{E} - Enormous!
{F} - Fake

Now I don't mean to offend anyone, least of all women, with this one. A friend who is a banker told me this one. I see nothing wrong with any size, but would love to hear from any ladies who are the exception to size F.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" His father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies (thinking "isn't that obvious?"). "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 4. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 5. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his disciples as J. C. and the boys 6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 9. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T." 10. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" 11. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry," 12. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God. 13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Young Missy was at her first wedding and stared with awe at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did that lady change her mind?" Her mother asked her, "What do you mean?" "Well, she went down the aisle with one man, but came back up with another one."

What do you call an Iranian with a 120 IQ?

A Village.

A shipwrecked man had spent several years alone on an island. Then one day he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller boat motoring toward his island. When the boat landed on the beach, the officer in the boat handed the stranded man a stack of newspapers and said, "My captain wants you to read through these and tell me if you still want to be rescued."

A flight attendant was getting very annoyed by 3 little kids on her flight. They had been bugging her since takine off, complaining that they were bored or tired or hungry or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom, and anything else you could imagine a small child complaining about. Well, the flight attendant finally had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.

The following notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who is visiting Texas from the East Coast. Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer tent, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, So I accepted". Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili. Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2--Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili. Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2--Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge #3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili. Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge #3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic. Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover. Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety. Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili. Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili. Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili.